MEDICAL JOKES – Brief Explanation of Medical Terms

Artery………………  The study of paintings.
Bacteria……………   Back door to a cafeteria.
Barium……………….What doctors do when patients die.
Benign………………. What you be after you be eight
Cesarean Section…A neighborhood in Rome.
CTscan………………. Searching for kitty.
Cauterize…………….Made eye contact with her.
Colic…………………. A sheep dog.
Coma………………… A punctuation mark.
D & C…………………  Where Washington is.
Dilate………………… To live long.
Enema………………..Not a friend.
Fester…………………Quicker than someone else.
Fibula…………………A small lie.
Genital………………  Non-Jewish person.
G.I.Series……………World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail……………  What you hang your coat on.
Impotent…………… Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain…………. Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff………  A doctor’s cane.
Morbid………………  A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates……………….Cheaper than day rates.
Node……………………I knew it.
Outpatient……………A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear……………A fatherhood test.
Post Operative……..A letter carrier.
Recovery Room……Place to do upholstery.
Rectum………………   Darn near killed him.
Secretion……………   Hiding something.
Seizure…………………Roman emperor.
Tablet…………………  A small table.
Terminal Illness……Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor…………………More than one.
Varicose………………Near by / close by.

 

 

 

Medical jokes: Doctor vs Mechanic

A mechanic was removing the engine parts from a motorcycle,
when he spotted a famous heart surgeon in his shop,
He called the surgeon and said.
“Look at this engine,
I opened its heart,
took the valves out, repaired and put them back..
So why do i get such a small salary and you get such a huge sum?”
.
.
.
The doctor smiled at the mechanic and came close to his ear and said;
.
.
“Try the same when the engine is running!.”

Mechanic: ?????????

 

Medical jokes – NEW DISEASE FOUND – SLEEPTORIA

Cause of disease – lectures in book exposure.
Host – student.
Symptoms – head falling on table, auto closing of eye.
Signs – redness of eyes, memory loss.
Spread – spreads from student to student.
Precaution measures – bunk classes, prevent exposures to books.
Treatment – watch movies, attend canteen secessions, surf internet.

Share to all students, so that they don’t suffer from this dangerous disease.

Medical Jokes – Brilliant Student

A student applied in a Medical College, but he was not able to pass the entrance examination because these were his answers in Exams:

1. Antibody – One who hates his body.
2. Artery – Study of fine paintings.
3. Bacteria – Back door of a Cafeteria.
4. Coma – Punctuation Mark.
5. Genes – Blue Denim.
6. Labour Pain – Hurt at Work.
7. Ultrasound – Radical Sound.
8. Cardiology – Study of Playing Cards.

Medical jokes: Exercise Daily

Doctor: Do exercise daily for good health.
Santa: Sir i play football, cricket, tennis daily.
Doctor: how long do you play?
Santa: until d battery in my mobile goes down!!

Doctor: ???

 

Medical Jokes: A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE

Patient: “Doctor, I have an ear ache.”

Doctor: 2000 B.C. – “Here, eat this root.”
1000 B.C. – “That root is heathen, say this prayer.”
1850 A.D. – “That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.”
1940 A.D. – “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”
1985 A.D. – “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.”
2000 A.D. – “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!”

 

For more medical jokes visit and share here:

http://blog.tauedu.org/category/medical-jokes/#axzz1w8EcrkRa

 

Medical Jokes : Every night I have the same horrible dream

“Doc,” said the young man lying down on the couch, “You’ve got to help me! Every night I have the same horrible dream. I’m lying in bed when all of a sudden five women rush in and start tearing off my clothes.”

The psychiatrist nodded, “And what do you do?”

“I push them away!”

“I see. And what can I do to help you with this?”

The patient implored, “Please–break my arms!”

Medical Jokes : 3 Jokes Makes you laugh out Loud

Joke 1 :

Lady to the doctor over the phone.

“Doctor, I beg of you, please prescribe me something immediately to reduce my weight. My husband has given me a wonderful birthday present, and I can’t get into it.”

Doctor: Just come over here tomorrow, and I shall give you a prescription. Then you will soon be able to wear your wonderful new dress.”

Lady: Who said anything about a dress? I am talking of car.

 

Joke 2 :

Man: “Doctor, Doctor! My wooden leg is giving me a headache!”

Doctor: “Why?”

Man: “Because my wife keeps hitting me on the head with it.”

 

Joke 3 :

Patient:- doctor i am feeling sever itching,give me a medicine please.

Doctor:- take this slip to the medical shop

Patient:- if i use this medicine,i can solve this itching.

Doctor:- i gave this for growing your nails for scratching.

 

 

Medical Jokes: Doctors were playing their usual Wednesday round of golf

A pediatrician, a surgeon and a managed care physician were playing their usual Wednesday round of golf, and started discussing how much of their capitated income was actually spent on patient care.

Specifically, they started to compare how they decided what portion of the collection to keep for themselves and what portion to use on their respective patients.

The pediatrician explains: “I draw a circle around myself and toss the money in the air. Whatever lands in the circle I keep for myself. What ever lands outside the circle, I use for the patients.”

The surgeon then adds: “I use a similar method, except that whatever lands in the circle I use for patient care, and whatever lands outside the circle I keep for my personal needs.”

The managed care executive said, “Well, I’m a religious man. When I toss the money in the air, I figure that any money God wants the patients to have, He can take.”