Medical Jokes – Getting a Tooth Pulled

A man & wife entered a dentist's office. The Wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry, just pull out the tooth as quickly as possible. “You’re a brave woman”, said the dentist. Now, Show me which tooth it is. The wife turns to her husband and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."  
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Medical Jokes – Watching Football

A man with two badly burned ears went to the emergency room for medical treatment. Doctor: "What happened..?" Patient: "Well, my wife was ironing while I was watching the football game on TV, She put the hot iron box near the telephone and when the phone rang, I answered the iron box." Doctor: "Oh god!!!...    But what happened to the other ear?" Doctor: "When the same guy called again. I attended by this ear.."  
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Medical Jokes – Heart Transplant

A man needing a heart transplant is told by his doctor that the only heart available is that of a sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the sheep heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup. The doctor asks him "How are you feeling?" The man replies "Not BAAAAAAAD!"
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Medical Jokes – In a Mental Hospital

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office. "Mr. Haroldson (patient), your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck." "Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."
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Medical Jokes – Probability of Success

Patient: What is the probability of success in undergoing a bypass surgery? Doctor: 100%!! Patient: But how can you be so sure of acheiving 100% success? Doctor: On the day of convocation, my professor told me that when you practise medicine chances of failure will be 99% and success 1%. I have already attended 99 patients(failed to cure them) and you are the 100th!! Patient: ????????
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Medical Joke – Doctor vs Panic Woman

Woman: " Doctor, doctor! " Doctor: Yes!  What happened..? Woman: "My husband was asleep with his mouth open, and he swallowed a mouse! What shall I do?" Doctor:  "Quite simple, You just tie a lump of cheese to a piece of string and lower it into your husband's mouth. As soon as the mouse takes a bite, haul it out." Woman:  "Oh, I see. Thank you, doctor. I'll go around to the fishmonger straight away and get a cod's head. “ Doctor: "What do you want a cod's head for"? Woman: "Oh- I forgot t...
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Medical Jokes- Doctor’s Nose cut

  A patient who undergone a serious accident, brought to the hospital. Doctor checked the pulse of that patient. Patient’s friend: "Doctor! Doctor! What happened how he (patient) was now..?" Doctor: "Why you brought him too late.  If you brought him before one hour, he will be alive. " Patient’s friend: "But!!! Doctor, he got the accident just before 10 minutes". Doctor: ????
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