Medical Jokes : Doctors’ Contributions

Doctors were told to contribute to the construction of a new wing at the hospital. What did they do?

The allergists voted to scratch it.

The dermatologists preferred no rash moves.

The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it.

The neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve.

The obstetricians stated they were laboring under a misconception.

The ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.

The orthopedists issued a joint resolution.

The pathologists yelled, “over my dead body!”

The pediatricians said, “grow up.”

The proctologists said, “we are in arrears.”

The psychiatrists thought it was madness.

The surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The radiologists could see right through it.

The internists thought it was a hard pill to swallow.

The plastic surgeons said, “this puts a whole new face on the matter.”

The podiatrists thought it was a big step forward.

The urologists felt the scheme wouldn’t hold water.

The cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.

Study: Brain Injuries in Childhood Have Lasting Effects on Learning

Brain injuries can lead to widespread deficits in a range of functions — from language to motor skills and cognition — and the effects may be longer-lasting than researchers thought, especially in young children who suffer traumatic blows to the head.

In research published in the journal Pediatrics, Vicki Anderson, director of critical care and neuroscience research at the Murdoch Children’s Research Institute in Melbourne, Australia, and her colleagues found that children with brain injuries continue to have problems with cognition for a decade after their trauma. In previous studies, Anderson showed that these effects can last for as long as five years.

The new study followed a group of 40 children aged 2 to 7 with traumatic brain injuries, generally caused by car accidents or a bad fall. They were given a battery of cognitive, social and behavioral skills tests at the time of their injury, and then tested again at three months, six months, 18 months, five years and 10 years after the injury.

Updated Guidelines for Treating Babies Exposed to Drugs in the Womb

The question of how best to help babies who have been exposed to drugs in the womb — including prescription pain medications, antidepressants and illicit drugs like methamphetamine and cocaine — can be an emotionally charged issue. Bringing science to bear on the issue, the American Academy of Pediatrics has just updated its guidelines on treating these infants.

The number of babies experiencing drug-related symptoms after birth has risen by 45% since 1995, according to data compiled by the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality. The rise may be attributed in part to increased maternal drug misuse and addiction, as well as to greater legitimate use of medication to treat pain and depression. Further, more careful surveillance for symptoms associated with maternal drug use have turned up more affected babies.

About 1% of pregnant women report recreational use of opioid painkillers like Oxycontin, according to the National Household Survey on Drug Use and Health, a number that has stayed constant since 2003. The new treatment guidelines, appearing on Monday in the journal Pediatrics, recommend that pregnant women addicted to prescription pain relievers or heroin should be maintained on either methadone or buprenorphine (Suboxone, Subutex). These recommendations are in line with prior consensus documents from the National Institutes on Health and World Health Organization.